


if a wall should come between us [too high to climb too hard to break through]

by aeriamamaduck



Series: The Next Level of Life and Love [8]
Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Anger, Apologies, Brotherly Affection, Communication, Emotions, Gen, Mentors, Post-Canon, Swearing, Talking, Yuri has a potty mouth
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-25
Updated: 2017-06-25
Packaged: 2018-11-18 09:09:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11288145
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aeriamamaduck/pseuds/aeriamamaduck
Summary: (set followingbeen one of those days [safety first don't push])Yuri bit his lip and took a breath before his shoulders slumped and he explained, "I...I had an...an anxiety attack after class with Lilia. Yuuri helped me through it and...He said that you're not going to leave me behind. That you're going to be your obnoxious self when you cheer me on and that...I can talk to you about all that stuff you said."Victor was stunned into silence. Yuuri had actually said all of that to Yuri? It was enough to make his heart speed up, and he had to sit back and put his hand on his chest as he smiled dreamily. "As soon as I get home I am going to kiss that man."Then Yuri hit him with a throw pillow."I'M POURING MY HEART OUT AND YOU WANT TO GO MAKE OUT WITH YOUR BOYFRIEND?"





	if a wall should come between us [too high to climb too hard to break through]

**Author's Note:**

> Title from _I-2-I_ by Tevin Campbell

Potya repeatedly scented Victor as she stepped over his lap, her fluffy head bumping his chin as he sat on Yuri's couch. The teenager's eyes were murderous as he observed how his beloved cat brazenly  _betrayed_ him by lavishing affection on Victor.

 

"Did you really just come here to turn my own cat against me, old man?" Yuri growled, arms tightly folded at his chest as he sat on the other side of the couch, as far as possible from Victor.

 

Victor, giving himself a mental check to not say anything to antagonize his very young rinkmate, shrugged and gave the at a light scratch on the top of her head, her purring instensifying. "Who am I to deny a beautiful lady such as this one?"

 

Yuri sniffed and looked away, looking more than miffed at having invited Victor in. The older skater knew very well why that was, and it was part of the reason why he wanted to talk to Yuri. "So where's your better half?"

 

"He's on Skype with his friend Phichit, and I actually wanted to talk with you alone, Yuri," Victor began explaining. One of the first pieces of advice Yuuri gave him when he'd said he wanted to actually talk to Yuri was to avoid calling him "Yurio" to his face, especially if he wanted to ensure Yuri actually gave him a chance to speak. "We've never exactly been the best of friends, have we?" he asked, looking down at his now vacated lap as he sensed sharp green eyes on him. "We shared a rink, a coach, and I made a promise I forgot to keep."

 

He heard a sharp intake of breath, and looked up to see Yuri staring him in the eye, unyielding as ever. "Yeah, and you actually had me chase you down like an idiot and make me go through that joke of a contest in Hasetsu when you and I both knew you were never planning on coming back with me if the pig lost."

 

Victor kept looking at Yuri, accepting the accusations he tossed at him. "I did leave you behind, didn't I? Just like I did with Yakov." He took a deep breath thinking back to a year ago when he marched into Pulkovo with Yakov on his heels, his mind awake for the first time in years as he left everything behind. 

 

Yuri was smirking triumphantly, even through all of his renewed anger. "Wow. The great Victor Nikiforov admitting he fucked up. Where's the press when you actually need them?"

 

Victor couldn't help the small laugh that escaped him, even though his heart was heavy. "I left you behind because, honestly, it had been a long time since I could even see what was happening around me. I couldn't even see myself after a time." Year after year, skating and sponsors and the press, his smiles and bright words more forced as time went on and he started thinking and wishing the ice would just crack beneath him. "In the middle of all of that, I was stupid enough to forget one of the most important promises I made."

 

Yuri didn't make a derisive noise that time and Victor glanced at him. The boy's gaze was uncertain, and his frown deep. Finally he said, "But you did manage to remember when a drunken nobody asked you to be his coach-"

 

"He wasn't a nobody," Victor interrupted with a glare. "You and I both know you never believed that in the first place, Yuri."

 

The boy's eyes widened briefly before he tore his gaze away, firmly caught. "Fine. He was a shitty great skater. That still doesn't change the fact that I was waiting for that choreography long before Yuuri Katsuki even set eyes on you."

 

"...You're completely right," Victor said, edging a little closer to Yuri's side. "I'll never tell you that I would go back and decide to ignore what I saw in that video and what it did to me. It woke me up, Yuri. I hope this never happens to you, but before Yuuri appeared I was ready to just leave the ice completely."

 

"You think I don't know that?" Yuri spat, a grudging look in his eyes. "I saw you every day for years, you were fucking miserable. Hell, I just thought you needed inspiration or something, and maybe Yuuri was it, I don't know! I just didn't think you'd drop everything to  _coach_ the guy!"

 

Victor stared in surprise. Yuri had actually noticed his misery? He blinked and cleared his throat, caught off guard. "I would go back and make sure you didn't feel abandoned. That I'd opened my eyes a little sooner and remembered you were waiting for me to make good on a promise." He smiled as he remembered. "You were just a kid, with that determined look in your eyes, and it was one of the few things that got through to me at the time. How the hell could I even forget that?"

 

Yuri stayed silent for a few moments before shrugging and saying, "Fuck if I know." He unwound his arms, looking a bit more relaxed since Victor appeared.

 

"I am sorry I made you feel that way," Victor said, hand freezing midway to Yuri's shoulder. He probably wouldn't take it very well. "I couldn't be the mentor that  _you_ deserved if I hadn't gone to coach Yuuri. It was just as well that you had Yakov and Lilia around to help you take that choreography and turn it into something special."

 

"You're damn right they did," Yuri exclaimed, looking at Victor with a new determination. "I had your choreography and I didn't need _you_  in the end!"

 

"And do you know how proud I am of that?"

 

It was Yuri's turn to blink in surprise. Victor turned to face him completely and added, "Yuri, you broke my record and won gold when you were just fifteen. Yes, it hurt to lose it after all the work and  _agony_ it took to get there, and I knew that even if I did compete again I would never break that record again. But I saw you in Hasetsu. I saw the start of your hard road and I got to see you win. It probably means nothing to you now, but it's the simple truth."

 

Yuri fell silent, staring at Potya as she wound herself around Victor's legs. It felt like several minutes passed before he frowned and said, "...Goddamn it...It does mean something. I _idolized_ you, in that stupid way where I put you on a fucking pedestal and started thinking you could do no wrong. Then it turned out the Great Victor Nikiforov can fuck up, just like the rest of us. He's just like everybody else."

 

Victor chuckled wryly and shrugged. "It's not exactly news. Yakov's known it for years. Yuuri knows it too."

 

"Fuck you," Yuri snarled with a light kick at Victor's thigh. "You know how it felt to realize that? Like I could do anything I fucking wanted, and I could actually be better than you if I worked hard enough."

 

"That's good, Yuri," Victor told him with a soft smile. "It's a hard lesson to learn, but eventually someone always comes along to claim your victories, your records...Watching you do all of that felt good, but it turned out that I wasn't ready to let competition go, even if I won't be as good as I was last year."

 

"If you or that pig even think about retiring again this year I'm choking you both with my laces," Yuri growled warningly. "Yeah, you're old as balls, but if you actually retired now..." He trailed off furiously, biting his lip and curling his hands into fists. "Just don't even think about it, you fucking asshole."

 

Victor slowly reached over to place a hand on that tightly curled fist. "I won't. I promise. And I won't forget this time."

 

"Yeah, right."

 

"I'm serious," Victor said. "I haven't earned it, but I hope that one day you can trust me again. Yuri, I know what it's like to let this sport consume your entire life. Yes, be dedicated and hard-working, but I never want to look at you and see myself."

 

Yuri didn't pull away as he gave Victor a confused frown. "What does that mean?"

 

"It means I don't want to see you get to the point where you feel like you hate skating and don't even know who the hell you are because this sport and the fans...Shit, the damn RSF can end up molding you into something you don't even recognize," Victor told him vehemently, his heart pounding at how close he'd come to completely losing himself. "One other reason I don't regret chasing after Yuuri is because he was the first person to tell me I didn't have to put on an act. He wanted me just as I was. Do you know how I felt when he said that?"

 

Yuri, wide-eyed, shook his head.

 

"I was terrified and overjoyed," Victor said, beaming into the boy's face. "I didn't know if I even  _had_ a self to be, but I found it.  _That_ was the mentor you deserved, but he arrived too late for you. I had to focus on Yuuri. I wish it hadn't taken me so long to realize it. Now that I know what I want, I want you to know that you can come to me if you have any doubts about your career, if you need help dealing with the press, anything you want. I've been there, Yuri, and if you want to get ahead of me I want you to know that I'm going to listen to you."

 

The teenager looked thoughtful rather than angry, and kept his hand resting under Victor's. "...Yuuri said the same thing, almost."

 

Victor's brows rose in surprise. "He did?"

 

"The other day when he invited me over for dinner, when he..." Yuri stared up at him, looking shocked. "He didn't tell you?"

 

"Tell me what?"

 

Yuri bit his lip and took a breath before his shoulders slumped and he explained, "I...I had an...an anxiety attack after class with Lilia. Yuuri helped me through it and...He said that you're not going to leave me behind again. That you're going to be your obnoxious self when you cheer me on and that...I can talk to you about all that stuff you said."

 

Victor was stunned into silence. Yuuri had actually said all of that to Yuri? It was enough to make his heart speed up, and he had to sit back and put his hand on his chest as he smiled dreamily. "As soon as I get home I am going to kiss that man."

 

Then Yuri hit him with a throw pillow. " _I'M POURING MY HEART OUT AND YOU WANT TO GO MAKE OUT WITH YOUR BOYFRIEND?"_

 

Laughing with each impact, Victor exclaimed, "I'm sorry! I'm sorry, you're right! I'll talk about making out with Yuuri later!" He waited until Yuri stopped hitting him and cleared his throat to say, "Of course Yuuri didn't tell me. Especially if you asked him not to. Have you been having these attacks for a while?"

 

Yuri clutched the pillow to his chest, considering for a moment before answering, "...Once two years ago...I had a really bad one in January, but I was by myself. Then it was this last one. I was stupid and wanted to kick the pig out, but he actually helped."

 

Victor nodded in understanding. "It sounds like he did. Yuuri...is magic."

 

Yuri was now close enough to give him a nudge with his elbow. "Corny idiot," he said, and Victor glanced in time to see the smirk on his face

 

Beaming at the teenager, Victor gave his shoulder a pat and declared, "I most certainly am. But you know what, Yura? There's nothing else I'd rather be."

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos and comments appreciated!
> 
> my tumblr: **aeriamamaduck**


End file.
